We sleep separately. The two admitted words often raise raised eyebrows in the surroundings and completely unnecessary suspicions as to whether the couple is doing well. If a man and a woman are sleeping in another room, does that mean that the passion has disappeared into the abyss of history and your intimate life has ceased to exist? Not to be surprised that it’s more common and normal than you’re willing to admit. That’s a third of all couples!
Shame is out of place. Sleeping together is definitely not a guarantee of nights full of passion until the hell.
In the so-called sleep divorce, age, overnight stays with a lighted lamp, unbearable snoring, various modes of getting up and day or night functioning, overwork, stress and a small child and the associated frequent getting up and not sleeping can play a role.
It is probably also clear to everyone that no matter how great the partnership is, the intimacy and bed games diminish with age. Physical love and attraction did not become commonplace, they only transformed. She gained in depth, respect and dignity. Yes, that is love too! And separate bedrooms have nothing to do with it.
Why do we actually share a bed?
You will probably be surprised that the partner bedroom does not have an ancient tradition. On the contrary!
Sleeping together began to prevail only at the beginning of the 19th century, except perhaps for the poorest, who did not have the space or money to sleep separately – sometimes not even on two beds. It also has logic. Only then did love and personal attraction begin to prevail over marriages of reason and property.
The bed together has become a symbol of freedom and voluntariness in marriage and sex. In fact, it’s a big bonus if you spend your entire life in the share bed.
A third of couples spend the night in a different room, and almost no one has a shared blanket.
My husband has always snored, but as my age and pounds worsened, I slept more and more in my daughter’s room. Eventually, he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and inflated a respirator. This gave us some hope that everything would be the same again. It worked for a while, but then the sound of the device started to bother me, and I moved away again. Definitely this time. We were still married, so I think it had no negative effect on our relationship. Eva is clear about that.
Snore, snore, snore
The ranking of moving out of the bedroom probably leads to snoring. It doesn’t have to be a chainsaw to deprive you of a peaceful and undisturbed sleep. We don’t make up our minds – no drops are miraculous and surgery often doesn’t help. And it is simply not possible to eat sleeping pills night after night to put a man’s or woman’s snoring to sleep.
Someone snores so loudly that it reaches up to 90 decibels, which is equivalent to the riot of a truck in a city or a moving train.
You can’t sleep in that! But the night circular saw is far from just a male privilege. A quarter of women are snoring.
Check also: How to get rid of snoring
Owl versus lark
Another regime is just as problematic. Some are a holt owl, another a lark. Different habits can also bother you. Some people want to read or watch TV before going to bed, others want darkness and silence to fall asleep.
For some, it is also a disturbing moment when a partner have to go to toilet at night or comes home from work late. Then he lies down and sleeps while the other one looks at the ceiling and cannot fall asleep again.
No less trouble is the different time of getting up for both partners, most often due to work. And sometimes it bothers the constant rolling over of the partner in bed and even louder breathing.
Look also: 25 Proven Tips for Better Sleep
Do women and men have it the same?
The answer to the question is rather no. Why? Probably because of the greater sensitivity with which ladies respond to sleep disturbances.
The reason is motherhood, when because of the child they perceive literally every rustling, movement and changes in the rhythm of breathing, so that they have the offspring as much as possible under control and thus safe.
This unique ability does not disappear even when the branches leave their home nest. That is why women are much more likely to sleep without a male counterpart than vice versa. Maybe motherhood has trained them and they value sleep more than men who didn’t have to get up so often.
Don’t be afraid to talk about sleep problems
Why bother moving every night! Tell each other why sleeping together is not pleasant for you. It’s probably easier than you think, and your counterpart may not even know you have a problem. Pass on the growing dissatisfaction, exhaustion and stress of not sleeping and the idea of another sleepless night.
It is necessary to clarify that a sleep divorce does not mean a break from the bed at all. You do not cease to be partners, husbands and lovers. It is a purely practical arrangement that leads to better sleep comfort and pumping up much-needed energy.
You will see how you grow up, you will regain mental balance, physical strength and good mood!
If you were used to talking at bedtime, designate a different communication zone. And it won’t matter at all when sitting together with a glass of bubbles acquires a completely different dimension 😉
Only couples for whom sex is to some extent a morning routine after waking up or in the evening after going to bed should be on the lookout for separate sleep. The sleeping ward would probably break their experienced intimate zone. Then all that remains is to enter the unknown waters and who will know if spontaneous sex in the living room or kitchen will not bring unexpectedly more passionate moments than the established love 3 times a week at the same time in the same place for countless years.
Look also: Most Common Questions about Sleep
Separate sleep is not omnipotent
Separate sleep can do a lot, but it is certainly not a solution where love and any interest in working together are lost. So it will certainly not improve what, for various reasons, no longer exists.
Nevertheless, scientists agree that the advantages of separate bedrooms outweigh the disadvantages. The quality of sleep has an unexpectedly detrimental effect on cohabitation.
Both actors are relaxed, and thus more satisfied than those who repeatedly struggle with a sleep deficit and during the day they lack the energy so necessary not only for normal functioning, but also for maintaining a partnership.