If your partner cheated on you, you are certainly experiencing feelings of betrayal, pain, humiliation, and perhaps disgust. You probably have to think about it all the time, you go through all the details of the whole situation in your head, and you don’t know what attitude to take towards your partner. In this article, we will therefore talk about how to overcome infidelity.
So let’s talk about how to overcome infidelity. Read to the end, I have some important advice and information for you on how to recover properly. Let’s start with how you should approach the situation?
How to deal with infidelity?
Of course, there is no single guide, the situation of each of us is unique.
It makes a difference if your partner cheated on you for the fourth time during your annual relationship and does not intend to change anything in their behavior. Or whether, after twenty years of marriage, one has stepped aside and is trying to do something about it.
What is good to think about?
Does your partner know you know that?
Your attitude depends first and foremost on how you came to infidelity. If your partner told you about it, or you figured it out yourself, and your partner doesn’t know yet.
If your partner has told you or knows you know, it opens up space for conversation. Maybe it will help if you talk to your partner honestly about everything. When he explains to you how the whole thing happened and why. When a person finds out about infidelity, a number of questions arise in his head. Getting answers can help.
But maybe more information will burden you, and you now need to focus primarily on yourself and managing your feelings. In this case, ask your partner for some time and patience before taking over everything yourself.
Also, if your partner doesn’t know yet that you’ve found out, it might be better to wait a while before telling him. At least until you get all the thoughts in your head.
On the other hand, this finding will certainly affect your behavior towards the partner, who will know that there is something wrong with you. You will probably be irritated and uncomfortable with him, and even more tension and problems will build up in your relationship. If you tell him what you have found, you will have the opportunity to talk to him about it.
Tip # 1: Think about whether you’d like to talk to your partner or organize it first.
Infidelity still persists or is it over?
Another important factor is whether the infidelity is still going on or has ended some time ago.
If infidelity persists, there may be a reason for you to leave your partner. Or he will want to leave you and stay with a new counterpart. Or your partner will end the infidelity and you will be able to save your relationship. So it’s important to find out not only what you want, but also what your partner wants and how he feels.
If your partner has cheated on you in the past, and now your partner is faithful, it might be worthwhile to try to forgive him. Here too, however, it depends on how the partner approaches the whole matter.
Tip # 2: You need to think about what you want. Under what conditions would you be able to forgive your partner and continue in your relationship, and under what conditions is it impossible for you to continue the relationship.
Personally, I would see it as if the partner is able to communicate sincerely about infidelity, will continue to try to work on your relationship, and somehow try to regain your trust, which is now fundamentally damaged, then the relationship still has a chance.
However, if a partner continues to lie, conceal, mist, hide his phone, and does not work to rebuild and heal the relationship, then it is up to you to consider spending and sharing your life with such a partner.
Anyone can make a mistake, and mistakes can be forgiven. But one must also have some self-esteem and self-worth, and know what is too much. Each of us deserves a partner who will love us and respect us.
How to (not) treat your partner
You are disgusted, angry and hurt. Who wouldn’t be. Therefore, most people tend to start being ugly to their partner. It makes sense, of course. He cheated on you, so why should you be nice to him? Deceived partners in these situations strongly express their frustration, and above all they blame a lot.
And although it’s a natural reaction, it’s a big mistake. This is just pushing another nail into the coffin of our relationship. After a short time, the partner’s constant remorse starts to creep up, and the pressure in the relationship will increase.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to be moderate towards your partner. But if you succeed, it can eventually save your entire relationship. Or at least your own self-esteem.
No one says you have to be sweet and pleasant to your partner and look like nothing has happened. It is normal to be a little more reserved at this time. But try not to show him in every fifth sentence what he did and that you blame him.
You can take such an attitude even if you know that you do not want to continue in your relationship and you want to break up. If you stay strong and manage to behave decently even in such an emotionally tense situation, you will see that you will be really happy in return. You leave the relationship with your head held up, and your partner is likely to feel that he has made a huge mistake.
Tip # 3: If you want to overcome infidelity as best you can, try to treat your partner decently and blame him as little as possible.
How to overcome infidelity
And now the most important thing. Whether you want to stay with a partner or not, or whether you are just deciding on it. How to overcome infidelity and heal your feelings?
Of course, forgiving is key, whether the relationship continues or not. If you don’t forgive your partner, who are you harming? Who will carry those feelings of harm and injustice for the rest of their lives? Who will it eat from the inside? Who does the stomach wobble every time he remembers his partner?
By forgiving, you will be relieved. You are not doing this for your partner, but for yourself. Of course, if your partner actively seeks your forgiveness, it’s better. However, you can forgive even if the partner decides to leave and stay with a new counterpart, or if he does not try to rectify the relationship.
Tip # 4: Forgive your partner. The extent to which you forgive is entirely in your hands and does not depend on your partner’s behavior.
Three ways to deal with infidelity
I once heard advice on how to deal with infidelity in a relationship, maybe you will find some inspiration in it. Partners should choose one of three solutions:
- Return infidelity. Personally, I don’t recommend it very much, but maybe it can work for some couples – they feel like they’re even. But usually it only causes more problems.
Pay for infidelity. An unfaithful partner buys something really expensive for the other person to “hurt” him, and then everything is forgiven and not talked about (it can work, but it must really be forgiven).
Leave the partner. In some cases, ending a relationship is the best solution, especially when it seems that the unfaithful partner just won’t change.
And I would like to add a fourth solution:
4. Cure and forgive infidelity. Process your feelings, and then see what happens next. Whether you want to continue the relationship or not. But you will feel good anyway.
Because it’s not just about forgiving. Even if it is wrong, the truth is that infidelity did not enter your life by accident.
Why did infidelity come into your life?
Whenever there is a person in our life who irritates or bothers us in some way, and whenever a situation arises in our life that is unpleasant for us, it is an impulse for us to turn to ourselves.
The Universe / God / Life, or whatever higher power you call, works on a simple principle. If we do not have a topic solved in us, it will appear in our lives so that we realize it and work on the topic.
Infidelity as an impulse to work on oneself
If infidelity has met you in your life, it’s a challenge to look at yourself. What unpleasant feelings and thoughts does this situation and experience evoke in you? Do you feel betrayed, or that you are not good enough, or that your partner has replaced you, or that you can no longer trust him?
You are not experiencing any of these thoughts and feelings for the first time in your life. They have been in you for many years since your childhood, hidden in your subconscious. And now the Universe / God / Life is trying to challenge you to extract, heal and release these thoughts and feelings from your life.
Why? Because you will reach a new level of happiness and personal freedom.
Is it worth solving?
Maybe you’ve always been afraid that your partner might cheat on you one day. This is also a clear indication that this topic has been dormant in you and has been waiting to be processed. That the uncertainty has always been in you. But maybe you were never afraid of it, and yet it happened.
If you manage to deal with this topic in yourself, you will never have to experience such a situation in your life. If you just go through the situation, forget about it over time, and try to move on with your life without the necessary treatment, it is possible that the situation in your life will be repeated in the same or very similar way.
So look inside yourself and start thinking about what this experience should have given you and what you should have cured.
Tip # 5: Find a way to cure what this situation should reflect on you inside.
I wish you could cope with this situation and heal what is needed. Perhaps you already have a better idea of how to overcome infidelity. I hope you find a way to be happy and satisfied again in life, and to have the loving relationship you certainly deserve.